I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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