Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
