Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
