he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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