Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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