just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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