I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
