There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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