He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
