The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
