??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
