I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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