I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
