Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
