i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
