No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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