Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
