you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
