I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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