I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
