I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
