Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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