i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
