she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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