Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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