So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
