Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
