I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
