so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
