so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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