the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
