How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
