I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
