he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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