i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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