I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
