Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
