Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
FUCK WHALES
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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