dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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