She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
