When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
