Since when is my name a synonym for head?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
