never play flip cup with pint glasses
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
