ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
