I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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