can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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