i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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