After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
this is an emotional support booty call
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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