bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
