you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
