It's like God shit irony all over that family
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
