i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
