Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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