Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize