mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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