I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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