My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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