Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
