Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize