At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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