Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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