so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
