Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
