I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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