Im at strip club and am horny
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
