i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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