Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
