Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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